


Letters Of Confession

by Cumberbatchlover



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, M/M, b - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7538977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cumberbatchlover/pseuds/Cumberbatchlover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John unexpectedly shows up @ 221b with tears in his eyes Sherlock is shocked and fears what happened. John and Sherlock both have deep dark secrets they are hiding but what will happen when they come out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Please leave comments on what you think. Hopefully if people enjoy I will post more chapters! Thanks for reading and enjoy! :)
> 
> Hey readers, sorry for such a long post between chapters. I have been super busy with school work! Senior year, fun stuff! Anyway I'm almost done typing chapter 5. but I want to ask you all a question, should I continue as is or should I turn this into a P.O.V from Sherlock and John's of course. Please leave a comment letting me know what you think! :) 
> 
> Thanks, Toree <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tries to make a decision on what to do about his relationship with Mary. With the help of Sherlock he comes to a conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking me so long update. Busy trying to get school stuff together. Enjoy chapter 2 of letters of confession

John awoke to the bright morning sunlight seeping into the curtains. His head throbbing he realize where he was got and stretched. ‘Ah, good morning John’ ‘morning Sherlock’ ‘ how are you feeling?’ Sherlock said that the suppressed smirk, ‘ my head feels like it was bashed into a wall... it wasn't right?’ John said rubbing small circles into his temples. 

    Sherlock looking John straight in the eyes said ‘um no you you weren't you drink half a bottle of whiskey. There's some painkillers out on the worktop with a fresh cup of tea.’ Jon trenge his way into the kitchen took the pain killers and brought his tea into the sitting room and sat in his chair. ‘ thanks for everything Sherlock’ ‘that's what friends do don't they?’ John felt a smile creeping up on the corners of his mouth but he realized Sherlock what Serious ‘ yes they do’ Sherlock looked at John and smiled knowing he did right by his friend.

    ‘ well do you remember what happened last night?’ Johns eyes went from bright blue and sparkling to a blue kind of sadness as he said ‘unfortunately yes’ Sherlock notice his eyes change while saying ‘ you know you're going to have to talk to her right?’ John stiffened saying hastily ‘ yes yes I know just, not right now’  ‘ well John what are you going to do Mary's pregnant with your baby.’ John put his head in his hands obviously trying to think of what the best thing to do.

    Raising his head but keeping his eyes on the floor as to avoid eye contact, said ‘ well I think I want to get a divorce from Mary.’ Sherlock looking at him and using his gentle voice said ‘are you sure that's what would be best?’ John still looking at the floor said in a tiny voice ‘yes I just don't have anywhere to go… I guess I can look for a flat.’ John murmured Sherlock stood up and leaned over John straddling his legs and said in his deep silky voice said ‘ John Hamish Watson! You will do no such thing you know you can stay here.’    

    Sherlock stepped back and waved his hand John swallowed and thought what just happened? ‘ well I guess I can I just don't want to intrude on you.’ Sherlock side looking straight into John's eyes saying ‘ John you have lived here with me once before I would be more than honoured to do it again!’ 

     John stood up breathing in deep calming breath Locked on Sherlock's green grey blue eyes took a step towards Sherlock so that He was so close he could feel heat radiating off of the man. Then wrapped his arms around the taller man's torso. Before Sherlock could think he instinctively had both arms wrapped around the shorter man. Both men Letting Go John nervously licking his lips and throat clearing his throat.

    After a few moments of silence had past Mrs. Hudson has come into the flat breaking the silence that filled it. Mrs. Hits and smiling as always saying ‘ John dear, so happy to see you it's been far too long. How is Mary and the baby?’ 

    Sherlock knowing John well saw his body stiffen at the name of his wife Mary. Mrs. Hudson didn't seem to notice though, John looking at Sherlock saying ‘it could be better I suppose.’ walking over Mrs. Hudson places a motherly arm around John's shoulders ‘ everything will be fine dear I'm sure you'll work things out’ John needed to hear this looking into Mrs. Hudson's Bright Eyes ‘ I suppose you're right’ mrs. Hudson telling John not to be a stranger then leaving them alone at last.  

  
    John dropping and sinking into his chair letting out a heavy sigh and Sherlock took this as everything running through John's mind and running a hand over his face try to gather his thoughts on what precisely what to do. Then after two or three hours finally coming to a decision. To leave Mary and come back to Baker Street with Sherlock.


	2. The Beginning

(John had been moved out of the flat for almost 8 months, living with his now wife Mary.) When Sherlock was pulled out of his mindpalace when he heard someone knocking on the flat door. Sherlock assumed John was going to get it when he realized that he was living with Mary. Sherlock got up from his chair with a dramatic sigh when he approached the door he recognized the all too familiar breathing coming from the other side. He opened the door to find John in the doorway with a duffle bag on his shoulder and when Sherlock looked into John's eyes he saw they were all red and puffy. (Which Sherlock knew had been from crying but he had never seen John this way.) John licked his lips and asked “can I come in please?” Sherlock nodded his head “oh right of course, yeah” Sherlock stepped to the side to let John in, where he dropped his bag by his chair. Sherlock looked at John who just looked at him and smiled but that did not reach his eyes but Sherlock knowing the smile wasn't genuine smiled anyway because he was secretly pleased that John had sat down in the chair he claimed when moving in. He knew something was wrong but didn't know what and this made Sherlock nervous and he loathed not knowing things. Instead of asking John what was wrong Sherlock asked “care for some tea?” “please, that would be lovely” Sherlock left to put the kettle on and came back with two mugs of tea. He gave John his knowing he had made it perfectly. Then sit across from his friend in his chair. Sherlock took a sip and asked “so what brings you here at this time of night?” Sherlock saw Johns whole body tense as he said “ Mary and I had a row and she said she never loved me, she said she was only using me for the time being.” John's Voice start to crack on the last word as he started sobbing. Slowly regaining himself John asked “ can I just stay here for tonight? I won't be a bother.” Of course you can John do be ridiculous” smiling cheeky smile. “Hey Sherlock, do we have anything stronger than tea?” “yeah you left a bottle of whiskey in the cabinet, body me get you some” Sherlock came back in with a glass of whiskey. Before Sherlock could sit down, John had already finished his whiskey. John went into the kitchen grab the bottle then sat back down and said “ Sherlock I think I'm going to get drunk tonight. I just want to stop thinking!” “ do what you want John, I can't stop you.” so that's what he did. (after about half a bottle) in the meantime telling Sherlock everything like they had been having problems for two or three months after he had figured out Mary was an assassin and she shot Sherlock. how she was different after not like she was a whole new Mary. John fell asleep in his chair shortly after he stopped talking. Sherlock chuckled to himself, got up and picked up John who was out cold and he was heavier than Sherlock anticipated. Even after all the years of being home from Afghanistan was very muscular and Sherlock placed him on the sofa and put a blanket over him. And whispered welcome home John.


	3. Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finally makes on a decision but will it make or break him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow Sherlockians! First I want to start with I'm sorry for making you wait so long! I will make this short because I hate notes but I thought I would give you an explanation as to why I haven't posted in like a month! Life as a senior is pretty difficult! I have been flooded with homework! I guess they think that we don't need time for ourselves. Anyway, enjoy chapter 3 of letters of confession

So the day had come that John was moving back into the flat with Sherlock, and if truth be told John was feeling a little anxious but would never admit it. Sherlock had offered to assist him in the gathering of his things. But Sherlock was secretly pleased and enthralled to have his blogger back where he belonged because he had missed him terribly but would never admit it, especially to John. So they took a cab to John's home that he had shared with Mary. 

He went inside to find that Mary had taken some her and John’s things and disappeared. John and Sherlock got to work boxing up only what John wanted to keep he would sell the house and everything else that remained. While John was boxing up clothes from the bedroom Sherlock was getting what he thought John would want like his gun, laptop, and a journal, that he had never noticed before, Sherlock got really curious so he opened it and and a Nicely folded piece of paper fell out.  


Just as Sherlock was opening the paper, John called to Sherlock from the bedroom then appeared in the living room and Sherlock shoved the paper in his coat pocket quickly then swiftly turned on his heels to meet John, with his face only a few millimeters away from his own. One locked eyes with the other and both refused to look away and they were both silent until Sherlocks phone broke the silence with a text from Lestrade. Sherlock broke the eye contact to retrieve his phone and sighed when he saw who it was. ‘It's Lestrade he needs our help with a case, but it can wait until we get done packing if you want?’ John had been looking at the floor at this point and he looked up and said ‘are you sure?’ ‘Of course John’ and Sherlock pocketed his mobile. 

Sherlock remembered that John had called him and he asked ‘John what was it you wanted?’ John looked up from the box looking at Sherlock and said ‘I was wondering if you wanted to go to Angelos for dinner? It would be my treat as payment for helping me gather my things.’ Sherlock looked at John with a confused look in his eyes that John noticed. ‘ well that sounds marvelous John, but don't feel like you need to do that I'm doing this for you I don't require payment for helping my friend’ John just smiled ‘ Angelos it is then! If you don't accept payment then consider this a thank you gift from me to you!’ John said beaming.

They continued packing up stuff in the living room Sherlock took a picture of him and John standing in front of 221B and smiling to himself. John looked around him and smiled and said ‘that was the picture Mrs. Hudson took of us shortly after I moved in she said she wanted a picture of her boys. Sherlock smiled and said ‘yeah I do vaguely remember that but I thought it was funny afterwords’ they both started to giggle. Sherlock put it in the box then asked ‘ how do you have so many pictures of us together?’ ‘Sherlock, I took them when you went into your mind palace. It never bothered you though’ ‘why did you never tell me?’ John just smiled and walked away into another room, he took the kettle from the kitchen and came back put it into the box with the photos. 

John closed it taped the top and moved it by the door. Sherlock took the other one and set it next to the one John had just set down. John looked around the house one last time and was really glad he was leaving the place that had filled him with so much sadness. Then he realized he forgot something ran to the desk and opened the little compartment on the desk Sherlock couldn't see what exactly it was but all he saw was John quickly put something into his coat pocket. John was trying to not let Sherlock see what he was grabbing so he quickly shoved it into his coat pocket. John closed the compartment and walked to where Sherlock was standing, by the front door. Sherlock looked down at John and said ‘are we ready?’ John looked up at him and said ‘Oh God Yes!’


	4. Moving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's moving in day for John! Moving in to 221B!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry I haven't updated been really busy with school! Thanks for reading! Make sure to leave comment on anything good or bad I will take feedback thanks! <3

When the cab pulled up outside of 221B, they unloaded the 2 boxes and took them inside and as they walked in was really excited to see John and Sherlock but she had a confused look in her eyes “ Mrs. Hudson I'm glad to to say that our John is returning to his rightful home!” Sherlock beamed, John smiled while mrs. Hudson gave him a huge hug. Then they continued upstairs John had the box with all his clothes in it so he took this box up to his old room. John put the mrs. Hudson gave him a huge hug. Then they continued upstairs John had the box with all his clothes in it so he took this box up to his bedroom. 

John put The box on his bed which still had the sheets on it, he found this to be odd considering that Sherlock waswas a fanatic about was a fanatic about his room and quite frankly John's as well. One time John was on a trip for a week and when he came back his wardrobe was organized his socks were put into a sock index and his jumpers put my fabric type and even his pants were sorted by color! So now John was wondering why he didn't make his bed but, maybe he never came up here, there was no reason to.

John took his clothes out and put them into the wardrobe. By the time John came back downstairs Sherlock was in his chair in his “thinking position” John smile to himself walking up to Sherlock then turning to his chair sitting down saying "hey Sherlock are you hungry?” Snapping Sherlock out of his mind powers. John knew he was the only one that could do this, not even Mycroft could do it. Sherlock looking at John saying “starving”. John pursed his lips and looked into Sherlock's eyes “how long has it been since you ate last?” Sherlock averting his eyes from John saying in a small voice “in a week” John looked at him in shock “for Christ sake Sherlock!” “John can we just go eat?” John had temporarily forgot about that but complied saying “yeah you ready to go” 

Sherlock getting up quickly saying “yes, just let me change”. Sherlock dashed into his room, and reappeared wearing his purple shirt. Which was was John's favourite. This gave John butterflies in his stomach and he didn't know why, do he shook it off and went to Sherlock who was standing by the door to the flat and they were off. 

Once at Angelo’s and food ordered Sherlock looked at John and John started to squirm so he turn his attention out the window at the the passing traffic and passerbys. John looked at him “is something wrong?” Looking back at at John trying to keep his face neutral “no John everything is fine” then forcing a smile. John saw wonder and question in his eyes but staying quiet instead because he obviously didn't want to talk about it, but John didn't care Sherlock was his best friend he wanted to help. “No, Sherlock everything isn't fine, what's wrong?” Sherlock hated these feelings but knew he couldn't hide it from John, John always knew when he was lying. Sherlock could lie to anyone else but with John his best friend. 

So he confessed “I have been trying to figure out what you put in your pocket, it was a folded piece of paper,clean folded, but it's been opened multiple times. I just don't understand why you shoved it in your pocket so fast? Was it because you don't want me to see it? If that's true what what are the contents of that paper!” John looked at him and laughed “Sherlock for a genius you really are an idiot, you have nothing to worry about it's just some important information with phone numbers and a couple of addresses.” Sherlock looking surprised said “ oh I guess my deductions were off ” John taking a deep breath thanking God that Sherlock couldn't see just how fast his heart was racing his chest. 

Sherlock and John got their food and Angelo asked if there was anything else that they needed and then left. Sherlock got the same thing as John, like he always did. They both started chatting about cases and John talked about the surgery and Sherlock actually listen to John fully. After they got through with their meal they left for the flat, John could actually call home again. saying out loud without knowing it "I love that I can call 221 be home again" then John side Sherlock smiled and kept walking forward. Sherlock was glad that he was calling their flat home!

Once home they both were tired and retired to their respective rooms and once in his room John got changed and crawled into his bed and opened the piece of paper that had been to topic of the evening. John had read it ten thousand times before but he read it anyway it read:

Dear Sherlock,  
I know that you are not here anymore, and you have no idea how much it hurts me to think that you are gone. I cry myself to sleep every night because I can't go on anymore it's been 1 year. I know you're never going to read this so I need to let this out, I might as well. I love you Sherlock, you can be an arse sometimes but you are the most brilliant, beautiful man I have ever met! You are my best friend and for me that means I am in love with my best friend! It's funny I still make 2 cups of tea and get 2 meals from the Chinese place then I realize that you were not here. I think that you are not dead! I think you are still alive but no one thinks that, I believe in you, William Sherlock Scott Holmes! You wouldn't leave me, so come back to me so I can love you! I just want you back, life is so dull without you. Sherlock you are my everything, I want you to be a new chair making a cute pouty face you do when you don't get your way or Lestrade doesn't have a case and your “bored”. I miss you Sherlock, I miss my William Sherlock Scott Holmes. Please come home, to me, to 221B!  
With all my love,  
John W ❤️


	5. The case that started the spark

John awoke the next morning to Sherlock who had knocked on his door and upon hearing some grumbles out of John so he decided to enter. Sherlock looking at John and John who sat up and stretched. His hair all disheveled, and sticking out in all directions. John rubbed his eyes and looked at Sherlock who was already dressed in one of his sharp looking suits and his hair perfect as always. John looked at the clock on his bedside table, it read 0600 John still preferred military time over regular time. 

Sherlock being the first to speak pulling John from his thoughts. “John I just received a message from from Lestrade, saying that there's been 2 murders all last night. I…..” his eyes widened as the sheet dropped from around John’s torso to his belly button while he was listening to Sherlock. He saw John’s scar on his shoulder and his bare chest, which had a lot of muscle. 

John looking at Sherlock “are you ok? What's wrong?” Snapping Sherlock out of it and saying “oh, nothing um, like I was saying, I was wondering if you wanted to um, if you wanted to come with me?” John's eyes went from worry to the light that was normally there saying “ oh god yes I do. Just let take a quick shower and get dressed and I'll be ready!” John threw off the covers and stood up and stretched his arms above his head. 

Sherlock moving out of the way but then starting to feel a blush spread through his face and down his neck. All of a sudden looking at Sherlock,then looking down at himself, John realized all he had on was his red pants without any pyjama trousers on, then it was his turn to turn all scarlet red. Grabbing his robe and quickly tying it around himself, then looking at Sherlock both had scarlet faces. John let out a small nervous laugh, Sherlock looking up from the floor “what?” He said defensively. “Your face Sher! You're all red!” John said breaking out into hysterics as Sherlock's face became a deeper shade of red. 

“I'm going to go downstairs and make some breakfast and coffee, do you want some?” The detective waved a hand in the air dismissing the question he had just asked. “Of course you want breakfast and I know exactly what you want too!” Then Sherlock disappeared down the hallway and down the steps.

While Sherlock was was getting breakfast going John took a shower after getting out and drying his hair, he put a little product in it to keep it from getting all frizzy and sticking out in all directions. Meanwhile Sherlock was in the kitchen making breakfast. John's favorite, toast with strawberry jam and eggs benedict! (A/N see what I did there;) John came down dressed in one of his many jumpers and his hair perfect in its new style he acquired when together with Mary which Sherlock called “the swoop”, he of course never telling John the name for his hair. 

John crossed the threshold into the kitchen just as Sherlock was placing the eggs and toast on the plate. Sherlock just wanting toast for himself. The blogger looking at the detective saying “you Sherlock Holmes can cook?” Washing his hands he said “it's all fairly simple” John handing him a towel to dry them on “well John I have known how to cook since I was little I used to help mummy in the kitchen, also it's just like mixing chemicals together in an experiment…. just with food is all.” Sherlock ushered John over to sit at the table, which speaking of experiments, it didn't have any on it. John sat down and Sherlock across from him. 

John digging into his eggs Benedict, John let out a small “mmmm” in delight. The hairs on Sherlock's neck and arms stood up and he got goosebumps all over as soon as soon as John did this. He looked at the blogger with a questionable look in his eyes as he asked “how do you like it?” Taking a bite of toast waiting for the bloggers response. After a couple of chews John said “oh yeah they're delicious!” The detective looked up from from his toast that he had a been staring at intensely. “Sherlock seriously this is some of the best I have ever had!” “thank you John.”

”Sherlock did that thing with his eyes, they did a kind of twinkle thing, John saw it and it sent a shiver up his spine. John and Sherlock finished their breakfast and they grabbed their coats and headed out to Scotland yard to see Lestrade. When they arrived and headed to Lestrade's office, they were greeted by no other than Anderson and Donovan that couldn't pass up the opportunity to be rude to Sherlock and John. When Donovan piped up saying “oh well look at that, freak has his little guard dog back and look freak brought it with him!” 

John had his fist clenched and jaw tight, Sherlock shrinking back ever so slightly. John took a step in front of Sherlock, enraged saying “ Donovan I know that you and Anderson just came out of that janitor closet down the hall and looking by the state of your hair a broom must have got tangled in it. Must have been playing really hard and by the hickey on her neck Anderson, I assume you will be wearing turtlenecks for the next week or is your wife is out of town? how long is she gone for this time? obviously long enough to know that you your hickey will be gone. Am I right? Because if I am, which I know I am. I advise you move along or shall I continue?” John said rather quickly and loud enough for the other people in the office to hear.

Donovan and Anderson went in there different directions. John just stood there with a smirk on his face knowing he had won. The blogger turned around to see the detective standing right behind him, with a look of surprise and a prideful look on his face. “Wow that was that was um, amazing. No more than amazing, outstanding actually!” He said with a smile reserved only for his friend John. “I learned it all from the one and only consulting detective. You know he's the only one in the world?” The detective let out a little chuckle and they continued to Lestrade's office. 

Walking in Lestrade just getting down to business, telling them about the 2 murders. “They happened all within the same hotel, different rooms and at the same time.” “Obvious” Lestrade looking up from documents saying slightly annoyed “and how is that, Sherlock?” Lestrade not even making it all the way through his information. “Obvious, in the simple fact that both, were in the same hotel and same time. It was the hotel front desk man and the night shift woman. The man walked in when the tenants weren't there and planted the poison in there milk. She posed as a maid and “cleaned” the other room when the tenants were gone and put the same poison in the alcohol of the other guest. Both of these people visiting from America.” 

Lestrade looking even more irritated than before said a little loudly “how could you possibly have known that they were visitors and I never even said that it was poison!” John stepping up next to the desk and standing next to Sherlock said “that's so easy even Anderson can figure that out.” John smirked “plus you have the file open on your desk which says the cause of death is poison. The paper this morning says on the front page in bold letters saying 2 Americans Gone Missing!” Lestrade was shocked to hear that from John, if it was Sherlock that wouldn't be the bit surprising. John looked to see Sherlock's reaction and it was priceless! He was standing there wide eyed and a small smile on his face. Lestrade said he would get his men on it and go arrest the 2 people that were stated.

Sherlock turning on his heels and walking out and John trailing behind him yelling over his shoulder “thanks Greg!” Catching up to the detective “Sherlock you figured that out in 8 seconds! You didn't even let Lestrade finish his speech and you know how much that irritates him!” “Yes this was only a 3 but Lestrade was being annoying!” Both men giggling as they walked out of the building and got a cab home to 221b. 

As they climbed out of the cab it started to snow and they both decided to stay in the rest of the night. Back in the flat, John and Sherlock decided to watch a little telly when John was finding something refusing to let Sherlock pick the channel because he knew that he was going to pick something fairly boring. John soon found a film it was James Bond One of Sherlock and John's favorites. 

Both of them sat on the couch on either side with the cushion in between. John started to get a little chilly because he was by the window. The detective saw this and got up without saying a word went into the kitchen, make tea and came back in carrying 2 cups. With a smile on his face reserved only for John he handed one of the cups to him who is beaming with delight John gladly accepted the warm drink. Sherlock sat down on the couch, this time on the cushion right next to John and threw a blanket over him. looking with confusion in his eyes at Sherlock “before you ask why, I saw you were cold.” The blogger looked at the detective “thank you it was really thoughtful. But you're cold too so here” he gave half of the blanket to the detective and draped it over his legs “Thank you John.” “You're welcome” John said smiling.

The two continue to watch the film and soon Sherlock wasn't even watching the film but thinking. John wasn't watching either, he was trying to figure out what Sherlock was thinking, then John realize that they had started with room in between them but now were John thought (John I'm not gay Watson) cuddling Sherlock at some point had put his arm around John and John had rested his head against Sherlock's chest. John had freaked out a little, but he didn't want to pull Sherlock out of his mindpalace and John's body wasn't going to allow him to. If he had to be honest, he was really comfortable. John started getting really tired his eyes were very heavy so he rested his head against Sherlock's chest who was still thinking about something, Christ only knows what goes through that man's head and John smiled while closing his eyes and soon Sherlock, not in his mindpalace but just enjoying having John home, heard the bloggers breathing even out as he was now asleep. Sherlock broke out into a really big grin. Sherlock just sat there in the darkness with his sleeping John.


End file.
